Goals! (On Decency)

For some time now whenever I have thought about my life goals it was to live a decent life. Career, house, cars, relationships: they come and go and it is not totally in my control to achieve these materialistic, egocentric ideas. I mean I am married, but I don't have children and I won't have children, though when I was in my twenties I was pretty sure I would be a mother one day. I can't drive and I will never have a car, but in my teens I was positive I would own one one day. My career is not up to me, I am limited by circumstances and opportunities of life. I can control only so much in my world. And the direction I want this control to go in is the direction of living a decent life. No matter what happens, I control my being decent and true to myself.
We all have a vague idea what decency is. How vague this idea is became obvious to me lately when someone actually asked me what I meant by my saying that I wish to be decent in life. I figured out I am not only unsure what this meant to other people, but I needed to reevaluate what this goal of mine means to me. Firstly, working. Never giving up on daily chores, no matter if I am depressed or not. Working full time, part time, educating myself, assigning myself with different tasks that get me out of bed early most days and give structure to my days, anything active depending on my actual life situation. Secondly, being true to my loved ones and myself. Taking care of family and friends. Sharing time and experiences. Be loyal, supportive and, well, just always be faithful. Relationships, if they are solid, they have infinite value in my life. So once I call somebody a friend or a husband or a member of my family, this holds the responsibility for me to try, as long as I am not deceived. Or hurt too much. Or used too much. Thirdly, not being greedy. On different levels. The goods of this world were meant to be shared, not consumed. Just my approach to stuff. And fourthly, trying not to do too much harm to others, especially conscious harm. It isn't easy. I just wish to try.
This is my approach to goals. These are goals that I feel I have some power and control over achieving. Happiness is also one of my further goals, but this is so hard to obtain given we are coscious creatures that know of the horrors of life, so joy seems to come and go like some kind of wandering spirit. I like my decency goal because it is mine. It concerns me and my behaviour and I can create my life basing on my values, not driven by wanting things that others have. Not to say having things is wrong. Just, for me, I don't want to make them the focal point of my world. They're nice, but not the most important.
It was valuable to think what decency meant for me. Making this vague idea clearer. It is certainly my point of view. Just sharing, hoping someone can relate. This blog post is coming to an end and I have the pleasure of having put some words and thoughts together and making a point.
Thank you for sticking with me. Till next time. Cheers.

Good will

Every day brings something precious
No matter if I'm joyful or anxious.
To see the good drop in ocean of evil
Means you both have good heart and also good will.

Positivity. It's hard. But for me it is necessary. I can not deal with negative feelings and thoughts when I have nothing to balance them with. I have WILL to make my life as joyful as possible. I have WILL to see good in this world, in people and in my life. Good will doesn't only mean the will not to harm and to do good by others. It's also the will to be positive, to be proactive and to move forward. It's the will to grow instead of destroy. It's the will to love instead of neglect. It's the will to be responsible instead of careless. Etc. And using your will means making conscious decision to act in a certain way. Of course our free will is limited by life circumstatnces of different kinds. We are not really free as long we are not aware enough: of ourselves, of our envirnoment, of others. And even then our freedom is as limited as our knowledge, strength and resources. But still, when we are conscious and mature enough, we do use our will, and to an extent we are free.
I choose to be free to see love, goodness and the positive side of the coin. And I am not naive. I know many evils of our universe. I just protect my sanity. I need that balance, need to seek for good in order to see the point in this cruel world. Cause on the other hand I take my life as a gift. It had been a very unlikely event for being like me to even appear here on Earth. Given my parents had never had met, I would have never been born. And this is only one of many variables that come into the equation of the miracle that my existance is. I am not going to wash the gift I was given, this gift the Universe presented me with in its abundant generocity, down the drain. I want to live fruitful, satisfying life. I want to love, and be loved and happy. So I choose seeing love, happiness and positivity around me. And this makes sense for me. And I see this attitude as giving me a reason to live and a point to my life. Let's not waist our life, this tiny amount of freedom we can have and all the powers of our minds. Let's choose to be willing. And let's hope we are willing for good.

Into the light

Chasing the light seems to have been the main motivation of my actions for several last years. Being down and lacking wholeness in myself made me seak for ways to find myself wherever I could. Good thing was I had never felt lost to the point I had felt helpless. Even in my darkest times I knew things would turn out all right. Sure, life has its ups and downs. Always. But normality and connection with myself was what I was searching for. Not perfection.
This blog that I am starting to write will be an account of my ventures into the light and into the dark. Wherever I am at a given moment, whatever emotions take hold of me - that what I want to share. Because even that I am finally connected, found, sound and "me", there is a long road ahead of me. Hopefully a road of good life. Certainly a road of progress and intellectual and emotional development. And surely a road meant to take me to the place of my happy, my joy, my fulfilled. At least I am devoted to make sure it takes me there.
I want to have a tangible account of my sort of spiritual growth. Every day brings different challenges different thoughts, realisations and feelings. I do not know who I will be in ten years from now. But surely ten years from now I want to have a written proof of the emotional distance I will have progressed.
"Create something today" was a quote displayed in one of the Instagram accounts I follow, several months ago. This quote gained importance and ,really, life to me. Not every day I get to create something tangible. But I sure try to create as often as I can. The feeling is so freeing and joyful. Your creations are like beings that you bring into life. I won't shy away from trying to express myself. Better or worse the style and the message, I have the right to voice my opinions and the need to put my thoughts int words. So let's do this. Let's start this account of my journey into the light. Let's start this blog.
Welcome